Articles > Stories
Broken Trust, Broken Home
by Victoria Dillen
The stairs creaked. I clutched
the covers, submerging my whole being into them, until I was
buried with my face barely showing. My racing heart was pounding
Can he hear it?
The stair creaked louder, as every inch of my being strained to
hear, dreading the steps I heard.
If I scream, will he go away? Why is he doing…?
The door opened. Lying in bed, my back to the door, I hoped it
appeared I was asleep, hoped he would leave. He came to the
other side of the bed.
“You stayed home from school,” he said quietly as he lay across
the double bed, his face unbearably close.
I could hardly breathe as I opened my eyes, and managed, “Yeah,
I wasn’t feeling well.” Not because I was physically sick, but
emotionally I was almost destroyed by confusion and fear of what
had been happening.
“Well, you get some rest,”
he said as he leaned closer and gave what was not a
father/daughter kiss. I lay frozen, petrified, as he left my
room and went down the creaking stairs, and left for work.
I wanted to scream, run, hide, but the terror that kept me
silent as he left my room engulfed my whole being. I trembled as
I wiped my mouth with the sheet. I wanted to scrub it all away.
The last two days were a nightmare of surreal events that left
me panicked and helpless. Dad’s strange behavior, the unwanted
and unfamiliar touches, all left me confused and frightened.
Unanswered questions screamed in my mind.
Why is Dad doing this? Why is mom away? I screamed
The waves of confusion and fear enveloped me, pulling me down,
bottling the tears that would not pour out.
The day was excruciatingly long waiting for my older sister to
come home from school. The emotions of the last two days tumbled
out as I told Kelly all that happened. I felt devastated when
she burst into tears, and I realized she could not help me.
“Dad’s been doing those horrible things to me since I was ten.
He told me not to tell. He said it was all my fault.”
She could not stop
crying, but agreed we needed to call mom, who was away visiting
family. Kelly’s sobbing became the resolve I needed as I dialed
“Mom, there’s something wrong with Dad, he’s doing things,” I
started out strong and then the emotion of what I was saying
overcame me, and my voice broke.
“Please, come home, we need you.” Uncontrolled tears poured from
the bottled heartache that finally shattered. Mom assured me she
would come, but we knew it would take two days by bus, if she
could even get on one that evening. Kelly and I waited by the
phone while mom contacted friends, hoping we could stay with
them until she arrived.
My heart was in my throat, when I heard the back door. It was
Jamie, who finally got home from his after school job. I tried
to tell him what had happened, but the tears would not stop. He
struggled to understand, but was confused, as were Kelly and I.
It was getting late, and we knew dad would be coming home from
work. Fear threatened to choke us as we all dreaded the thought
of being in the house with him. The terror engulfed us when Mom
finally called back, saying we could stay with friends and they
were sending a taxi for us.
We raced up the stairs to our rooms, throwing our belongings
into grocery bags, and grabbing what we needed from closets. The
taxi driver looked perplexed as we ran to the car, our arms
overly laden with clothes. In our panic to escape, we left all
the lights on in the house.
After school the next day, I
forced myself to go home to pick up forgotten homework I was
trembling but relieved when I saw dad was not at home. After
removing my shoes at the backdoor as always, I moved silently
through the house afraid to make any noise, and gathered up my
books from the dining room table.
I froze instantly when I heard his car door shut. The back door
of the house opened.
I was trapped. Barely able to breathe, terror gripping me like a
vice, I forced my legs to take those last steps from the dining
room into the kitchen. Dad stepped from the back porch into the
kitchen, blocking my escape.
He had been crying, and seemed surprised to see me. He cleared
“I wanted to tell
you…I wanted to stop doing all those things for a long time.
Somehow, I knew you wouldn’t take it. That’s why I tried those
things with you. I am so sorry. I really do love you, you know.”
Tears ran down my face as I gave him a quick hug. Still
terrified and confused, but not knowing what else to do in our
broken lives and broken home. Words failed me, until I choked
out, ‘I need to go”.
With that I made my escape. Running by the time I
hit the front sidewalk.
Months later, after separation and much heartache, Dad called
Mom, saying he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior and Lord,
and asked our forgiveness. He wanted to know if we could start
over. We did, with much fear and trepidation.
I have since learned that with God, all things are possible.*
Nothing can separate us from His love*, when you believe, know
and trust Jesus Christ.*
*Luke 18:26 And they that heard it said,
Who then can be saved? 27. And he said, The things which are
impossible with men are possible with God.
John 8:36 If the Son therefore
shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord
GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to
preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up
the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the
opening of the prison to them that are bound;
The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth
them out of all their troubles. 18 The LORD is nigh unto
them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a
contrite spirit. ...22 The LORD redeemeth the soul of his
servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate.
*1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is
faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from
* Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall
tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or
nakedness, or peril, or sword?... 37. Nay, in all these things
we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38. For I
am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor
principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to
come, 39. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall
be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ
Jesus our Lord.
© 2008 Victoria Dillen
Copyright . All articles are the sole property of SeekGod.ca and Vicky Dillen.
All Scripture King James Version unless otherwise
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