Tell Me No Lies
by Victoria Dillen
“You still believe in Santa Claus?” my brother mocked and
I stared at mom, caught in the act of filling a stocking. She
laughed, and then stopped. Her smile became a glare as she
snapped, “Jerry, that’s enough.”
I turned. The Christmas tree lights seemed to be mocking me too,
as I hurried to my bedroom. I was not giving Jerry the
satisfaction of seeing me cry. Frantically wrestling with the
humiliation, disbelief and confusion, my mind screamed what I
could never voice.
You lied. You beat it
into us to never lie. What else did you lie about, Mom?
As the youngest, I saw the harsh and often cruel punishments
dealt out by mom, when my siblings lied or disobeyed. In an
attempt to avoid punishment I determined to be good and not lie.
I discovered that good, was never good enough. My desperate need
to believe my mom made it impossible to question anything she
said, including about Santa. She simply would never lie.
Collapsing on my bed I smothered my sobs with a pillow, as
disbelief turned to anger.
Mom, why did you lie?
I felt wonderful. I had turned sixteen and that day I felt older
and the feelings of maturity extended spiritually. It was two
years since I began my walk with Christ. Smiling, I walked
happily into our kitchen.
“It’s weird, Mom. I feel older today, more mature.”
Moving from the counter where she had been peeling potatoes, Mom
sat down rather quickly in her kitchen chair. She seemed
“That’s really good. I need to tell you some things. I want you
to know that when you were growing up, I always had to leave the
kitchen when you were there. I hated you so much. I left to keep
from stabbing you with the butcher knife. I need you to know I
don’t feel that anymore. I no longer want to kill you.” Mom
stayed seated, her finger tapping the table, her face
My mouth gaping, I struggled to comprehend what she said. “I’m
glad,” seemed pitiful, but the absolute shock overwhelmed,
allowing nothing more. My mind moved in slow motion, numb. To
avoid her stare, I glanced at the counter. It seemed a cruel
irony when I noticed the butcher knife lying beside the
potatoes. Feelings exploded within me, repugnant thoughts
engulfing my mind, as choking bile stung my throat.
Mom has always wanted me
dead. She hated me, wanted to kill me, stab me…
I needed to escape the kitchen, get away from Mom. A forced
smile allowed my retreat to my bedroom, no longer mature, but a
child. Fully unnerved, the imagery and horror that overwhelmed
my mind equaled my sense of revulsion and rejection, completely
submerging me. I was drowning in a sea of emotion and unwanted
Did she sit down because
she still feels that way? Is that why she always yelled, and was
so mean? Why did she tell me now? Why did it take her two years
since accepting Christ to stop those feelings? She has never
said she loved me.
“I love you,” was ringing in my mind as I hung up. I had just
endured a long and emotional conversation with my mom, unloading
with difficulty all the baggage I had padlocked away. At
twenty-eight, I had been wrestling with memories that I thought
were gone, but God knew better.
Drained, I had waited uncertainly for Mom to speak.
Please, tell me no more
lies, Mom, I pleaded.
For the first time that I could remember, Mom finally said, “I
I needed those words, and hung onto them the same way I had
gripped the phone. Inside, I struggled to believe her.
There had been an abundance of lies, abuse and so much fear and
anger, in our unforgiving home. The memories and images flashed
as if from yesterday. Mom’s lies, her hatred of me, the desire
to eliminate me, to kill me, to stab me, all threatened to
“Lord, please take it all from me,” I prayed, tears pouring down
Exhausted, I went into the living room and collapsed on the
couch, my eyes red and swollen. Pulling our children close, I
whispered, “I love you.”
Hearing, “Love you, Mommy,” from each, soothed my aching heart.
As we cuddled, my husband’s soft, “I love you,” brought a
contented smile and prayer.
Thank you Father, for
giving me a family where love has blossomed and is not a lie.
John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make
you free… 36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall
be free indeed.
1John 2:21 I have not written unto you because ye know not the
truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth.
Ephesians 5:9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in
all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that
are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and
25 If we live in
the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Ephesians 4:20 But ye have not so learned
Christ; 21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught
by him, as the truth is in Jesus:22 That ye put off concerning
the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according
to the deceitful lusts; 23 And be renewed in the spirit of your
mind; 24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is
created in righteousness and true holiness.
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his
neighbour: for we are members one of another.26 Be ye angry, and
sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
27 Neither give place to the devil.
For an in-depth study on
Lying, please see >
Lying Destroys Trust
© 2008 Victoria Dillen
Copyright . All articles are the sole property of SeekGod.ca and Vicky Dillen.
All Scripture King James Version unless otherwise
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