One of the benefits of having PTSD is flashbacks of past happenings in your life. I cannot stop thinking of all the times I have sinned against God and against other people. I mean I will think about something I did wrong 10-30 years ago and how I have hurt the people involved, and these flashbacks are piled on by other memories of how badly I treated people. I ask God all the time to allow me to find those people so I can apologize to them and ask their forgiveness, unless they are dead (like my parents). I apologize to God all the time and ask Him to help me forgive my enemies so that He can forgive me.
Thoughts like this constantly fill my mind and I cannot stop them. Am I really going to have to put up with this for the rest of my life? What is the point of living if I am? I cannot remember every sin I have done against God and against other people. I don't know if I will ever be able to find the people I have hurt. Will I go to hell if I cannot apologize for every sin, because I cannot remember exactly what I did wrong and to whom? This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to blast a hole through my head.
YYZ what makes you think that you have to find all the people that you hurt to apologise to them? Do you believe that you have to repent for every single sin and claim forgiveness from those you wronged before you are forgiven?
If we look in the NT Jesus forgave people's sins, all their sins and then told them to sin no more.He didn't instruct them to repent of each sin as they brought it into remembrance or to go and seek forgiveness from the wronged people but instead forgave and cleansed them in one go.The people repented of their sins, ie all their sins and then were forgiven.
I do believe that it's fine to want to make restitution to those you wronged however there are instances where we can't or to do so would maybe cause more pain to the injured party.There are so many scenarios.Thus I think in some cases it's better to accept that God has forgiven us when we are truly sorry and to try to move on.
I sometimes feel guilt for things I have done in the past but I console myself that God has forgiven me and we can't do anything more to earn that forgiveness,apart from repentance of course, than what Jesus obtained for us.
Isa 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
Isa 53:5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Isa 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Isa 53:7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
Isa 53:8 He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
Isa 53:9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
Isa 53:10 Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
Isa 53:11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
Isa 53:12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
I used to be so full of pride and anger that you practically needed to stick a pistol in my mouth to get me to apologize for
anything. The verbal cruelty I inflicted on my parents starting in my teens should have sent me straight to hell a long time ago. I may have misread a passage in the New Testament that says in essence to reconcile with your brother for past sins. I don't really know why I thought I had to remember every past sin and apologize to God for all of them, but there must be some reason I have to relive old sins and suddenly recall them after years, so I thought it must be that God wanted me to apologize for them.
Are these the verses you were thinking of ?
Mat 5:21 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
Mat 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
Mat 5:23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
Mat 5:24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
(10-21-2011 03:26 PM)Rose of Shushan Wrote: [ -> ]Are these the verses you were thinking of ?
Mat 5:21 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
Mat 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
Mat 5:23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
Mat 5:24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
Yes, those are
precisely the verses, particularly 23 and 24. I couldn't remember if it was Paul or Jesus who said them.
I kind of used to think the same way as you YYZ..
Quote:but there must be some reason I have to relive old sins and suddenly recall them after years, so I thought it must be that God wanted me to apologize for them.
I would tend to beat myself up a lot about my sins.I would apologize a lot but I would never feel better about anything.I would still feel guilt and shame.I really believe that God changed my mind set about it all.When it comes to mind now,I feel grateful.I think God loved me even then...even in my darkest days. I believe that God uses my past to show me how far I have come.I think the devil tries to make me see the past as who I am..but it is not who I am..it's who I was.
2Co 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
I have become new!
