SeekGod.ca Discussion Forum

With all the trials, and rising divorce rates, what makes a marriage last?

Real love?

I know that answer might be to simple.
I think when people say:
I love you,.... i.... wanna be with you or...I... can' t miss you
that is about I , me....
Real love for a person gives, is there for YOU
Love says:
What can i do for YOU
If you need the other person to be there for you to feel good, something is wrong.
I don't easily say "i love you"
And about marriage?
I don t think i am the right person to say something about it
i live alone after 2 relationships
but i do know the difference between
love for someone
or
be in love with someone

EMJE

(08-06-2009 06:10 AM)Emjesown Wrote: [ -> ]Real love?

I know that answer might be to simple.
I think when people say:
I love you,.... i.... wanna be with you or...I... can' t miss you
that is about I , me....
Real love for a person gives, is there for YOU
Love says:
What can i do for YOU
If you need the other person to be there for you to feel good, something is wrong.
I don't easily say "i love you"
And about marriage?
I don t think i am the right person to say something about it
i live alone after 2 relationships
but i do know the difference between
love for someone
or
be in love with someone

EMJE

Hi Emje,

Good thoughts. Being in love and having love for someone I think are both part of a marriage relationship. Being best friends, likeminded on various issues, but not all, because if we are identical then it really isn't healthy--it would be like marrying yourself.

True marital love still comes down to wanting the best for the other person, putting them before ourselves--not always an easy thing---being with them and exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit in the relationship. Some say they have to give 50/50. Others say 100/100. But if we give according to what God calls us to as believers----% doesn't matter.

It really is about living Christ in your marriage. Because no one gets to see us the way our life's partner sees us...or we them...and still actually wants to be around each other.

It's getting past the and butterflies, and growing that love, so that each marriage reflects the relationship of what Christ has with us, the Body of Christ.

To me, it takes time and despite the difficult things, still determining that it will and in fact must stand the tests. My husband and I have said in the past, that we have made it this far because we were too stubborn to not. It's probably true. But, most importantly, God has kept us.

Ephesians 5:20-33 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

I think marriage takes a singleness of mind and heart. How can two walk together unless they agree? If both are not willing to seek after the Lord with all their hearts, submit to each other, love and care for each other like Christ loves and cares for the church, it's going to be a long troublesome road.

Ecc 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
Ecc 4:10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
Ecc 4:11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
Ecc 4:12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

My husband and I have very different backgrounds, we grew up in different parts of the country, we have different interests in hobbies, music, movies, tv, humor, restaurants, well, pretty much everything. But the one thing we have in common is Jesus. (oh, and he likes my cooking) By worldly standards, we would not be compatible yet we get along beautifully. I think it's because we take the bible seriously. If one of us blows their top, we are quick to apologize. We're quick to forgive and we don't hold grudges. We love talking about biblical topics and bouncing ideas off of each other. We pray together. We study together (sometimes).

I might have a different take on love because I don't think it's about a "spark" and "keeping things alive" or "spicy." These things are based on emotion and emotions are fleeting. That's why, after a time, people "fall out of love" or claim that the "spark is gone." Well of course it's gone - because it's just an emotion.

I think true love is a strong admiration for someone, holding their needs and desires higher than yours, your desire to please them, and following the biblical model and roles for marriages.

What lead me to this is the bible itself. Nowhere does the bible talk about love the way we define it today. (as being fresh, new, exciting, keeping the spark going, or working at it) In fact there are many instances where a man would meet a lady, and the bible says "he loved her." Really? That quickly? I don't think all of the people in the bible fell in love at first sight. I think of it as more of a mutual decision, a commitment, then a promise or covenant before God.

I think we as a society have glamorized love to the point of un-recognition. After all, it is big business in jewelry counters, movies, romance novels, Valentine's Day, and anything else you can think of that will cause you to spend your money all in the name of love. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not a grouch with a jaded view of love. I just think these fantasies that we subscribe to create expectations. And when these expectations aren't met in our partners, we may begin to look elsewhere. And I think this faulty expectation (and disappointment) is one of the many ways Satan tries to destroy the marriage and family which God instituted. Just my opinion.