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Dealing with loss and grief and living with peace and joy
02-14-2012, 12:29 PM
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RE: Dealing with loss and grief and living with peace and joy
HI Jade, Thank you for sharing on these things. I am sorry about your daughter. It is incredibly tragic to lose a child, but when we know Christ, we know they are going home. They don't just die and think that makes a difference.

We actually had two babies die. The first one, our daughter was 18 mths at the time and I was pregnant, and hemorrhaged. That little guy lived about 2 hrs, but he was premature. I woke up on the operating table and heard him cry, -I was in critical shape for a few days due to blood loss etc. But God chose to not allow him to stay with us. That was a really hard time. I did ask why, I had not dealt with grief and loss before. And I suppose coming so close to death myself left my not only physically vulnerable but emotionally and spiritually weak as well.

I do recall feeling quite lost for awhile. Part of it had to do with the attitude of others---oh you can just have anoter baby...etc
Those things hurt because another wouldn't be the same as the one I heard cry. There is an attachment and bond that takes place as that baby grows inside a mother and those things are often ignored or deemed unimportant. But every mother knows the dreams you have of that child growing in you and wondering what they will be like.

So that loss was very difficult for me. Probably because it took so long to get my health back also.

The second baby that died was different. I was term, and he was born healthy. However, there had been complications with that pregnancy and after about 2 hours he went into cardiac arrest. He was revived and sent to the neonatal unit in another city. I saw him briefly before they took him. He lived 3 days. It was different this time. I didn't have to ask why, I didn't feel angry or all those things a person can feel.

Instead I felt confident that God's plan was perfect and I knew I simply needed to be the best mom I could to our other children. Even leaving the hospital that time was different. I did feel empty handed like I was forgetting something, but the first time, I wept while leaving. This time, my hubby and I had spent considerable time visiting other people we knew, went to the nursery many times and appreciated the joy others had with their new babies. We were able to walk out with peace. Yes there was grief at the funeral and times during and after that. But it did not devastate me. I had grown in faith and trust and simply knew that all was under HIs control.

One would think it would keep one in good stead come what may. But, the last few years I guess I found out what my weaknesses are when dealing with family. My husband became ill a few years ago. It took some time to obtain a diagnosis, and the end result will be his eventual death from it. I must admit, I was devastated for many months upon finally getting the prognosis in summer of 2010. I felt afraid, overwhelmed, devastated, and just simply felt immobile, like I could not move forward. THere is a Psalm where David speaks of his mouth being stopped and unable to speak or do anything. That's how I felt. During this time my husband was not told what was fully wrong with him, so I could not seem to share openly about all that was wrong and what I was dealing with.

I think I was afraid of what might happen to us, if/when he had to quit work, and all those things that we had always trusted God for. Suddenly, I couldn't seem to trust that God had it all under control. Or rather, He had it all under control and I didn't want to walk that journey, go through that looming door of life and eventual loss and all it might mean. I felt incredible grief and a sense of loss, even though God is really in control. I found it difficult to pray because I didn't want to get an answer that said it was going to be ok, but it was still going to be the way it is. Then I would feel guilty for not living my faith, as I so fully believed was part of my life and everything that I would say to others, now I couldn't seem to apply to myself.

It took until my husband was required to quit work late 2010 and being home with me now all the time to really deal with it all. He knows the prognosis, and is at peace with knowing God knows what's best. He is actually doing well right now and I am so thankful that we are having so many blessed days and treasured moments. Many people don't get that opportunity. We don't know how long we have together--it could be years or not, but we are very thankful for each day God has given us. For the years of memories and the ones happening each day.

Although I still deal with the emotional impact probably more than my husband, I do feel at peace, although I struggle with the waves of grief, which I am coming to believe are a form of attack. Because they steal my peace and joy and I don't want that. I want to feel fully trusting. God has shown He is in control of all we are doing and is providing in such a way, that I can't help but wonder how I could ever have been afraid of what might happen.

I had felt I needed to share some of this awhile ago, but didn't know how to go about it or when. So I guess, all things are in God's timing. His purposes are so perfect, that we can rest knowing that He is able, even when we are not. THere's so many verses that have brought comfort, encouragement and peace.


Psa 38:21 Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.
Psa 38:22 Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.

1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Psa 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

2Sa 22:31 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.

Psa 5:11 But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
Psa 5:12 For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.

PPsa 62:5 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
Psa 62:6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. ...
sa 62:8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Psa 71:1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
Psa 71:2 Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me.

Psa 91:1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
Psa 91:2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Psa 91:3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
Psa 91:4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Psa 91:5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
Psa 91:6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

Mat 5:2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
Mat 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Mat 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Mat 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Mat 5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

Vic
SeekGod.ca

3John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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RE: Dealing with loss and grief and living with peace and joy - Vic - 02-14-2012 12:29 PM

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