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Dredge · 12-16-2009, 10:36 PM

(12-13-2009 08:05 PM)YYZ Skinhead Wrote: Do you have certain sins that draw you to them though you may have repented of them?

That reawaken previous desires to do a sin?

That seem to be aimed at a particular weakness of yours?

Are these temptations the fiery darts of the wicked, who always looks for chinks in people's Armor? (Doesn't the word devil, diabolos, mean to throw through?)

My main sins are anger, unforgiveness, whoremongering (the desire to watch porn and sell my body), and occultism. I am angry and unforgiving most of the time and I have outbursts of wrath. Sometimes I get so mad at people that I hate them. I don't know how not to feel this way.

I am still tempted to get my Tarot cards read either by myself, online or with a psychic, but I have managed to avoid doing so with one slip in the last month or so. (I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard and out of nowhere a street performer offered to read my cards. I politely told him no and gave him a buck and talked about the deck he was using.)

The past few months I have really wanted to sell my body, that or sell porn. Talking with people about it has kept me from doing it, which was why I posted on this forum about it--I needed somebody to give me a gentle "push" back on track, like I've had happen previously--and that turned out to be a big mistake.

I don't want to give in to temptations but it's really hard not to. I don't want to keep sinning, but I do. I ask God to forgive me and help me not to do what He forbids doing. How long is this going to go on? For the rest of my life? I don't want to live having to ask forgiveness ten times a day for calling somebody by an epithet (reviling), not forgiving (self-explanatory), drinking and popping prescription pills to unconsciousness (pharmakeia? I don't drink to get drunk, I drink to knock myself out), being angry with somebody out of class prejudice (murder), et cetera ad nauseam. Am I the boy who cried wolf? How much longer will God endure this? I don't want a habit to send me to hell.

What you ask is a question I was just contemplating. I have anger issues also, may be not to the severity you describe but I have them just the same. Just after my last bout I was contemplating where this anger comes from. I have forgiven everyone I can think of. While praying about this it occurred to me that I have never forgiven myself. I know this sounds narcissistic but it is true. I am one who cannot accept mistakes from my self and my anger comes from my perceived failures. Are these things you have done for along time, if so please consider this. They were habits and habits are had to break. You feel like you are losing an old friend, you even relish the break downs until guilt sets in. When you falter, repent, ask forgiveness, forgive yourself, and carry on with new resolve not to do it again. You are in a lifelong struggle with persistence you can change these things, it won’t be easy, but with time it does become easier, remember you are not alone. May the fruit of the spirit grow in you with God’s blessing.

Gal 5:22-24, 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

Philippians 4:8, Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.