Dealing with loss and grief and living with peace and joy

[Lois]

Thank you Jade and Vic for sharing so much of yourselves.The loss of loved ones is very hard.

My oldest sister passed away 9 years ago.She was 39.

I think I have struggled most with feelings of guilt.

She was a practicing Wiccan for many years.I had found out after she passed that she had recently joined a coven.

She struggled with understanding why there is some much pain and evil in the world.That struggle kept her angry and distant from God.

When we were younger,she was about 16 and I was 11,our mother started going to the Assemblies of God Church.Mom asked us if we wanted to go for almost a year but we did not want to go,so she put her foot down
declaring one Sunday,"You will go to church with me,or you will get out of my house!". I was 12 so I had to go.Georgia was 17 and left wanting no part of it.

So Georgia went her own way,delving into Catholicism,then books on mysticism and the metaphysical,I think she had a book about every religion known to man,hundreds and hundreds of books and she had read them all,finally settling on Wicca,while I remained lost in charismania with my mother.

I never talked to my sister about God.I struggle sometimes with wondering,why,if I were saved all those years did I not try to talk to her about God..if she were here right now I would.

I've had lots of time to think about where I went wrong.I have taken many wrong turns but I know the major underlying theme to that one in particular is the great,blinding lie of religious tolerance.
I felt that I should not push my beliefs on her,that I should love and except her as she is no matter what she believes.I thought I was setting a great example,here I am a Christian embracing and excepting my Wiccan sister.
I did not like that she was Wiccan but I excepted her choice to be that because trying to talk her out of it,or away from it would be intolerant.I wouldn't want to offend her.I wouldn't want to push her away.I don't want to appear intolerant.

I didn't understand that talking to her about Jesus Christ would not mean that I didn't love or except her.Peoples souls are at stake.We can't allow ourselves to be blinded by the lies of religious tolerance and religious pluralism.

This is excruciating to write.I like to hope that maybe in the last moments of her life she finally gave herself over to God but I do not know.
I have to live with the fact that I never spoke to her about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.I was to busy being tolerant.




My mother passed away in November of cancer.She had Alzheimer's.The dementia made her become violent and difficult to handle so my other sister and I could not care for her.
The facility where she was at thought she had pneumonia but after x rays they discovered that she was riddled with cancer.It was in her lungs and spread throughout other parts of her body.She died 11 days after they discovered all this.

When I found out that she was sick I began to earnestly pray for her.I didn't pray for the recovery of her mortal body though.My mother lived a very hard life full of pain and alcoholism,trying desperately to find some peace and happiness,somewhere between a bottle of pills,a bottle of vodka,men and God.
I didn't pray for my mom to be healed because I thought she should go with God and finally obtain that ever elusive peace in the loving arms of our Lord.I had to earnestly pray for my mother's soul.

Her and I spent most of our lives in the false charismatic doctrine and I am now faced with the shocking realization that my mom is about to die,she is out of her mind with Alzheimer dementia and I do not know if she is truly saved.

So I prayed earnestly for 11 days,for God to forgive her,for God to deliver her like He delivered me and for her salvation.I don't know if praying for someone like that even counts because I know we all make our own choices but I just had to before she passed because I knew after would be to late.

My sister was with her when she passed and I told her that I wished I could have been there with her to and my sister said I was there.She said mom kept saying I was standing in the corner of the room.

So now I'm left wondering was that my mother's dementia talking or was that God in His way letting me know that He heard me and it is well with her soul.

I think I grieve the uncertainty of their salvation most.

I can only leave it in Gods hands.

I think when we have these hard things to deal with and we say we are going to give them over to God that does not mean that we cease to deal with them.We still have to continue in the process of coming to terms with and dealing with the loss.
Grief is a natural human emotion,giving it over to God doesn't stop the process of it,it just makes it more bearable