Fiery darts, God's mercy

[YYZ Skinhead]

OK, I will try to make this intelligible.

Whenever somethng bad happens to me, the first instinct is to accuse God of punishing me. I have been bombarded with piles of guilt-ridden thoughts and it got to a point where I was asking God to kill me or allow me to kill myself because I cannot bear it when these thoughts flood my brain. In addition to killing my parents, I have thoughts of all the evil, hurtful junk I had done to innocent people throughout my life and I never apologized to those poor people for hurting them. I have had to live with this stuff all day, every day. It's unbearable. I thought that God was punishing me, but my aunt told me (in effect) that Satan sends those sort of thoughts.

I asked my aunt to pray for me and I asked God (well, screamed to Him) to have mercy on me and help me stop accusing Him of what Satan does. Since Satan is the father of lies, of course he would try to make me believe that God was behind those thoughts. I read a lot of verses on this site that were precisely what I needed. It took me a while to realize that the bad thoughts were Satanic fiery darts and that by asking for prayers and asking God to save me I was taking up the Shield of Faith. The day after that my brain was essentially free of those thoughts. It is as if my begging God to have mercy and having prayers said for me caused Satan to slither away like the snake he is. I read the verses about persecution in some of the older threads, but all this time I thought they were referring to persecution only by humans. Of course Satan will exploit human weaknesses to destroy our faith. If he tried to do it to Jesus while He was fasting in the wilderness, he will certainly do it to ordinary humans.

The last few days after that "clear" day those evil thoughts have occasionally tried to re-invade my brain, and when that happens I say out loud something like "thank you God for showing me that Satan is behind those thoughts and having mercy on me, and help me not to accuse You of what Satan does". After praying out loud, those thoughts deflate like an untied balloon. Satan is an already-defeated lying coward who can't stand the Truth of God. God has already stated in Revelation what He will do to that old snake. It feels good to know firsthand what "ye shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free" means. God definitely led me to read the particular posts on this site that were what I desperately needed at that time.

Eph 6:13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Eph 6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
Eph 6:15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Eph 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
Eph 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

Psalm 136:1 (and quite a few other Psalms) O give thanks unto the LORD; for [he is] good: for his mercy [endureth] for ever.

[Mary]

that is wonderful!